You Have Not Arrived.

no stopping

Still in my late teens, my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be. It was everyone’s fault. Especially my parents. They just do everything wrong. God.

As I’ve hinted at in some of the posts here, I used to have a terrible mindset. Probably the worst one ever. One that led me into a few serious bouts of depression. One that is, sadly, not uncommon. But then I learned some things, which I wrote about here and here.

But the thing is, I’m still learning things.

The issue is that sometimes, I prevent myself from learning things, by assuming I have already learned things. Wait what?

Bear with me. This is an important lesson. It’s one that, if you don’t make yourself aware of it, can keep you stuck in some negative, counter-productive habits (without realizing it, of course). [Read more…]

Expectations Are A Curse

Expectations vs. Reality, 500 Days of Summer

In 1950, the Brasil national football (soccer) team had still never won the World Cup. But that was about to change. After advancing rather easily to the second round, they followed up their success with a dominating 7-1 win over Sweden and an impressive 6-1 win over Spain.

They had reached the FIFA World Cup Final for the first time. On their home soil. 200,000 fans were in attendance — a World Cup record which still stands.

Players joked that it might be a tough game…they might only win 4-0. Newspapers published the headline Brasil: World Cup Champions the morning of the match, before the match even began.

The players, the fans in attendance, and the entire country were ready to win the World Cup. They were expecting it. A team that steamrolled Sweden and Spain so easily were certainly on their way to victory.

No goals were scored in the first half, but Brasil jumped out to an early 1-0 lead in the second half. The crowd erupted in cheers and excitement. Everything looked good. But then something began to change. [Read more…]

The Problem With The Self-Help Industry

self-help for dummies

Every human being should strive to become the greatest person they can become. They should always push forward, always grow, always learn, give back whenever they can, and make the world a better place. These are some of the values that define this place.

Naturally, many people feel this way, and find themselves drawn to this blog and other self-developments blogs trying to be the best person they can become.

But there are several problems with self-help. The kinds of things that keep you stuck in a hamster wheel. If you want to actually grow — rather than simply believe in the idea that you are growing — you need to understand the following problems with the industry and make sure they don’t hold you back. [Read more…]

You Are Not Who You Think You Are


You read self-development blogs. You have a good idea of who you are — and especially — who you want to become. The gap between the two is why you are here, you want to elevate yourself from where you are to that next level. Maybe you realize that growing never ends, and you are consistently chasing that growth. Respect to you.

But hold up. To understand where you want to go — that person you want to become — you also need an accurate understand of where you stand today. You think you have this. You have think you know yourself inside-and-out; your strengths, your weaknesses, your past, you have it all figured out.

You don’t. I promise you, you don’t. [Read more…]

Stress Is Actually Good And Necessary


Viktor Frankl is a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, famous for his fantastic book called Man’s Search For Meaning. The overarching point of the book is that man’s striving to find meaning in his life is his ultimate purpose and primary motivational force. It truly is a book worth reading, I would recommend it 100 times.

A subtle point he made in his book about stress, which he refers to as “tension”, stood out to me. He argues that in man’s search for meaning, he is more likely to find inner tension than equilibrium. This is not too surprising. What is interesting is that this tension, this stress, actually turns out to be a necessary prerequisite of mental health! [Read more…]

Willpower A Limited Resource. How Will You Choose To Spend It?

willpowerThe value of willpower is understood by individuals across the globe. We understand how crucial it is to achieving our goals. We believe that if we had a little more willpower, or a lot more of it, we could accomplish our goals with ease and improve our lives.

And this is no myth. Interestingly, researchers have found that self-discipline is a better indicator of academic success than IQ. Additionally, individuals with more willpower generally have better physical health, mental health, spending habits and financial security than those with less willpower.

There is no debate on the value of willpower. However, the is an ongoing debate among scientists regarding other aspects of willpower: Is it a limited resource? Can it be increased? And do our beliefs about willpower have any effect on our motivation? (Spoiler alert: Yes, yes, and yes). [Read more…]

One Big Myth About Motivation

motivationAmong all the motivational advice there is to offer, the worst is this:
“Just visualize success!”

Tim Ferriss, author of the popular 4-Hour Workweek, had his book turned down by 26 publishers before it was accepted. “It was frustrating; I had to go into it preparing myself psychologically for the worst and hoping for the best. That’s a mistake that people commonly make with positive thinking; they try to trick themselves into only seeing the positive outcome and that’s setting yourself up for failure”, he recalls. Tim nailed it, and the science is here to back it up. [Read more…]

A Quick Guide To Dealing With Procrastination

how to stop procrastinatingPsychological defense mechanisms are a common theme of this website. Our brain uses them outside our consciousness, and begins to make up stories that we start to accept as our realities. However, this often gets us into trouble, because the stories we believe are almost never true. Once we recognize the defense mechanisms and how they work, we earn the power to change their effects on our lives. This is an article about procrastination. [Read more…]

A Quick Way To Motivate Yourself, Backed By Science

motivate yourselfA popular belief in the world today, especially in self-help, is that telling yourself to do something is effective. I’m going to go to the gym five times this week. I’m going to sit down and read my book for 3 hours today, and so on. Think about it for a second: how well has this worked for you? If it was effective, we would literally get everything we want done, and that obviously isn’t the case (not to mention unrealistic). Thankfully, there is a better way, and the science is starting to back it up. [Read more…]

A Quick Guide To Dealing With Anxiety

confidenceAnxiety is a normal and healthy part of our lives: being anxious about the future leads to better preparation for that future. However, there are obviously circumstances where anxiety can become crippling and immobilizing. Here’s a brief guide centered around three ideas you should carry when faced with similar circumstances. These are the absolute best ways I’ve discovered for dealing with anxiety. [Read more…]